Conflict in itself isn’t a bad thing. When people disagree that’s when new ideas can be conceived, and deeper understanding reached. Of course not all conflict is good. But even arguments over whose turn it is to do the washing up can be debated in a good way.
The key is to argue fairly, and with a view to resolution. Here’s how we can do just that:
Listen
Half of conversation is listening. When we’re convinced that we are right, and that no one else can be, that’s when we stop listening and assume that the other person’s argument is invalid. That assumption means we can lose out on insights and new ideas. It also means that the other person can get angry and frustrated – which doesn’t help anyone.
Look at it from the other side
We should try to work out, or even better – ask why, the people we are disagreeing with think what they think. Always try to show empathy for the other person and their position.
Avoid misunderstandings
Repeat back to the other person what they’ve said until they agree that that is what they meant. Arguments can escalate when misunderstandings happen. Repeating what we think the other party meant so that they can correct us if we’re wrong can help to avoid this.
Don’t make it personal
Keep the discussion about the disagreement topic, not about the person you’re discussing it with. Personal attacks don’t get anyone anywhere, and often come back to bite us later on.
Question your own ideas
Just believing ourselves to be right, doesn’t mean we are. By looking at our own assumptions and questioning our own stance we can identify the limitations of our argument, and maybe even change our minds. In which case…
Don’t be afraid to be wrong
Sometimes we might enter an argument, only to discover that we’re in the wrong. If this happens, then accepting that we’re wrong will show courage, maturity, and shouldn’t be something we feel bad about. After all, it means we’ve learnt something new and grown as a person.
